I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
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i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
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and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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