I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I think I won the penis lottery.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You ruined the universe
Randomize
