it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
