You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
