chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
