my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
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So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
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Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize