and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
