my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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