Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
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Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
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he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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