I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
