Sry I called you an 8
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
