and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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