Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
