On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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