Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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