My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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