I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
