You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
