It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
