My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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