We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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