And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
