That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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