So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
