he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
