is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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