By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
