What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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