i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
