Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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