you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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