Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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