oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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