dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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