I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My pussy is not your playground.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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