I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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