Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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