You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
