i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
