All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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