i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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