I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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