Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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