I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
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Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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