i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
