Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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