we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
