Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
