apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.