the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?