I CAN MOONWALK!
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
