Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.