now i know why i became what i already was.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
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I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
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I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober