i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.