Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.