You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.