Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
