Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
