Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
