You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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