Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
