You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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