I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
In America we eat man semen.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
