Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize