Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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