shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I need to sanitize my soul.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
