he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
