i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
