There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
