My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
