I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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