just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
