What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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