Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
