saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
