I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
