I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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