i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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