I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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