sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
